Hello dear people of the blogoverse. How are you doing?
I hope life is treating you kindly and if not rest assured my thoughts and prayers are with you.
We all have stories we carry with us. We also all have a story to tell but do we do so? Do we tell our truths?
My truth at the moment is that I want to do. I want to code, sort the garden, write blogposts but there is this force that holds me back. I can't explain it in any other way. It's like invisible ropes holding me back from moving forward. I used to have this feeling every single day of my life. It was awful. Since I left my job and had time to heal it doesn't happen every day. I have times when everything just flows and I can be very productive. But those other days come too and I experience them more intensely because they are not the norm anymore.
Then the narrative starts. The negative narrative that tells me "I can't do things", "I am not made for this life" and "I am too tired, too exhausted, too whatever..."! For so many years I work on changing that narrative. I work with postive affirmations that obviously have brought some change. But I feel I should be further ahead. I shouldn't have these days when I can't get into the rythm and create that life that I want to create, learn the things I want to learn and just simply live.
At the same time I think this expecting of myself being further ahead and having to "do" all the time isn't right. We need down time and this need for down time might not always come on days that suit todays society. I do believe that we all have our own cycles of being productive. And I wish I could just accept mine as it is because I think I would get further ahead with everything if I'd do.
Noone has shown us how to, haven't they? We are shown to earn money, be there for others and be busy but not how to care for ourselves and calm down. It is so sad. My experience is to fight against those invisible robes doesn't work. It makes it worse. No matter how inconvenient it is and how far behind I am with a project I have to listen to this voice and use the time to stand still and ponder who I am and who I want to be. Maybe accepting these cycles are a part of self-care. Do you feel the same?
video credit: Theosophical Society via YouTube
May you have a restful day if you need it and may you be in your truth!
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Just one more thing before you go: The hospital that is treating me for cancer is fundraising for a dedicated breast cancer unit which would allow same-day diagnosis and better premises for patients and staff.
Please, if you can spare a little money hop over to their Just Giving Page and give as little or much as you can. Or share the page on your social media. Your support means a lot to me! Thank you very much.
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